The Beardy Man says….

After my first, and may I say fairly successful attempt at making peppermint slice cake….”It’s just no right. It goes against nature. Why would you make a peppermint cake and colour it red and no green? It’s unnatural! My brain keeps thinking it’s gonnae taste of strawberry. It’s freakin me out”

“Take away? Tonight? Is it your birthday?”

“Mangoes aren’t essential fruit. So don’t buy them”

“Pineapples aren’t essential fruit.Don’t care how cheap they are in Aldis”

“Whats this? What is this imposter doing in our cupboard? Aldi tomato ketchup! It’s no Heinz! Heinz Tomato Ketchup is essential. And always remember that”

“To save electricity, boil the kettle once, in the morning and fill a flask with boiling water. Eh voila! your electricity bills will reduce dramatically”.

“What? Heating on again? Get it aff! Two pairs of socks and 2 jumpers and some star jumps. It also helps you lose weight. You can have that for your blog”.

On asking why he has a gigantor bag when going to the gym, his reply was ” Having showers in our hoose costs gas, so I have paid to play football and I will be using all the leisure facility has to offer. Someone may have left a bar of soap.”

“How much to get you legs waxed? Just buy those strips from the pound shop and I’ll do it for you”

“Been thinking. Now that winter’s here do you need to wax your legs? It will keep you warm. Natures way”