Tag Archives: Beardy man

The Beardy man says….

17 Mar

Right. Do I need a hair cut? You need to tell me now, so it grows back in,in two weeks. I don’t look in mirrors so I can’t tell if it needs cut.


What’s that orange orb in the sky?

5 Jun

That would be the sun. And it has me reaching for Factor “Duffel Coat

I have a love hate relationship with the sun. I like that it brings life and happiness to a usual depressing bleak landscape,but I hate having to show my skin and I burn.

I used to desperately want a tan, and ended up in hospital with sunstroke when I lived in Jersey C.I.  I looked like an extra from alien especially when I shed a whole load of skin.I suppose using “after sun” instead of sunscreen was a bad idea. Oh and swimming in the sea from 11 am until 3pm. With blue skin.

I also suffered as a child when on holiday in Anstruther. We didn’t use lotion back in the 70’s in Scotland. Everyone knew you just got a tan abroad, or you might catch a wee bronze glo if you smothered yourself in butter. Yep, you read right.

The Beardy Man told me of his first holiday abroad. He was in Ibiza with Maw and Paw kettle. They were on the beach next to another Scottish family.The Scottish ginger haired man covered himself in coconut oil. He then lay on tinfoil. He was airlifted to hospital as he had cooked himself.

I spent 3 months in Belize working in a school in Dangriga. I took 6 bottles of sun lotion. All factor 50. The kids used to laugh when I put my lotion on and the teacher would explain that I lived in a country where we very rarely see the sun. The kids would also make sure I had an umbrella.

Anyway I came home with 2 small brown patches on the back of my hands and that was it. People thought I had been locked in a cupboard for three months.

So my affair with the sun has left me embracing my “casperness”  and wearing factor 50 on my face every day, even during winter, and then on the skin that I show during the summer.

So as you can imagine I shop around for sun tan lotion. I often by factor 50 children’s lotion, but since I have been researching for this post I have discovered that the only difference between adult and child sun lotion is that there is less perfume in the children’s lotion, and it’s more expensive!

I have to say I always stick with Boots for my lotion because of my blue tinged skin. If I tanned easily I would love to use hawaiin tropics as I love the smell and it makes me think of holidays with my easily tanned friends. Although buying sun tan lotion in supermarkets seem to be a good option. I would probably buy my lotions in Semi Chem or Superdrug, but Boots own make and Simple always works for me. And I have a loyalty card. I’m saving points to get myself one of those IPL machines, and a generator.

So there we have it. A wee post to remind you all that no matter our skin type we need to keep safe in the sun. And we don’t want to all end up looking like Magda.


However we can also opt for a wee fake tan. There is no harm in it. As long as you have friends who speak the truth and mirrors in your home.

C’mon feel the…..

6 May

…wrath of my hairdresser


Yep,that’s me on the far right.

I trust my hairdresser. And I love the fact I go to her house with a wet mop of hair, and leave in half an hour with exactly what I asked for. And it costs me 15 quid. However, over the years I have realised that we should not get into heated discussions as we both get very animated, distracted and I end up with less hair than I bargained for. This time the discussion was about the great North   South divide and the injustice.

The Beardy Man has been singing Slade songs, and I have been surprised at how many he knows, especially as he is a metal head.He has also been informing me that I will now be accepted for the Star Trek Vulcan Academy, despite failing my Klingon “A” level.

However, my hair grows quickly and going to a salon is out of the question as I hate being ripped off. And to be honest if you are a woman with hair and want it cut you get charged more than a man.

For example, the Beardy Man just got his hair cut today. He got a cut and blow dry. It cost him 12 quid!  It costs me 35 quid. I usually get the speech that I have long hair blah blah blah. But what they don’t take into account I just get the ends trimmed and my fringe cut! AND I’m not into all this product and straightening lark, or the styling blow-dry. My face often looks smacked and sunburned due to the inferno heat from the turbo charged supersonic hairdryer.  And I get to witness it all in front of a giant mirror next to the window that looks onto a busy street and is situated directly next to traffic lights.So now I just get on with it at home and save a fortune and my dignity.

So here goes for the low down on savings:

Hair Dye- Boots Botanics- £4.99 per box and sometimes 3 for 2. Roots touched up every fortnight (it’s a curse)

Hairdressing scissors-Boots – £10. Beardy Man cuts my fringe(extra bonus when he takes on the personality of a really grumpy hairdresser!)

Visit to my hairdresser every 3 months £15.00.

Just check out these price lists!

Rita Rusk      Monkey Business (I do like their website)    eurohair and beauty and the last 2 are at the cheaper end.

In some salons the price varies depending on the stylist attending to your head! I always pitch for the new start which is why I have had the hair bear bunch experience.

Ok it was the 80’s and spiral perms were in.

This isn’t me BTW but the perm is similar, only that I have a bald patch where my “widow’s peak” should be.

Once upon a time I had a “Louise Brookes” bob. I loved it.

The only problem was that due to my low neck line at the back I needed my neck shaved every 2 weeks. My pal called it “gorilla neck syndrome”.

Big Jack (my grandpa aka “Pop”) told me to go to “Shaky Jakes” the barber that he frequented for his “short back and sides”. I introduced myself and told him pop had sent me. But he wouldn’t shave my neck because I was female. Anyway he was shaking too much that I thought it best to leave well alone. So I let my pal Graham shave my neck every 2 weeks, with a bic razor.

I think most of my family suffer from commaphobia (ok so I made that up, I stuck some latin onto phobia) my big cuz Queen Marie is the same, and my brother has taken to the 2012 version of the comb-over and shaves his head with a blunt butter knife.

Anyway, it’s all about building up trust, and that’s what we all need to do with our hairdresser. They can make you look beautiful for a day, or you can be ugly for a whole 2 weeks. That’s the difference between a good and bad hair cut.

Well I’m off to find a winged gold jumpsuit and guitar. If I’m gonna be a whole load of ugly I may as well make some money out of it….

Love hearts and all that crap

17 Feb

I hate Valentines.

I did get a card from Donny Osmond when I was wee. He even hand delivered it as there was no stamp. He was on my door step!

And does anyone remember these that were usually written on the envelope?





Ok the last one I made up.

But lets face it, it’s just another load of commercial bollocks. Or on the other hand  do we need a little escapism from this current climate?

Anyway I could go on about it but it’s just I hate the hype and all the crap you are pressured in to buying . Like ugly cuddly toys

and huge padded valentines cards

and sexy edible undies,beef jerky flavour.

So there I was in M and S. I have been on the hunt for their reduced in price chocolate and hoped I would find their “ginger discs”. Nae joy. And the usual 10 quid meal for 2  was still on. BUT it was now 20 quid as they added on a side and a box of chocs. After fighting my way through the false teeth and twin set brigade I was left bitterly disappointed. The chocolates they were throwing in were, quite frankly,in a word,shite. I could use big fancy florid descriptive words, it’s M and S after all, but shite sums it up.

So I just decided to buy enchiladas and bought veggie Percy pigs. Why veggie when I am scoffing chicken by the ton? Well, the pig sweets are made with PORK gelatin! How sick is that! There you are a cute wee pig spending your last days in your wee field knowing that your life will end soon to be turned into piggie sweets for spoiled weans! Pig suicides are on the rise.

You are probably wondering where the money-saving tips are. Well when it comes to food for a special occasion it’s better to buy what you want rather than what is cheap. Tesco and Morrisons are also offering the  10 quid meal deal, so you are better to shop around. Also I was given insider info on Waitrose. Wednesday nights the price of food is reduced as it is at sell by date. There is a delivery on a Thursday and they need to make space.So next Wednesday night I will be wearing my pearls and twin set and talking all posh pushing my golden trolley around Waitrose, and I will take no prisoners!

Hopefully they will be selling their Valentines cards cheap. And I will be posting this one  to Donny next year

Just don’t tell the Beardy Man or my breakfast in bed will come to an abrupt end.

A new edition to the family

11 Jan

Yes he arrived just before baby Jesus birthday…our wee baby Brennan.

The Beardy Man had bought me Classic Rock Magazine as there was an interview with Bill Nelson (an overlooked guitar hero).

As usual I didn’t get the chance to look at it first, the Beardy Man retreated to his office, the room where we keep the shower, to catch up on guitar gossip.Then I heard a stumbling as he tumbled into the living room clutching the magazine and his trousers. He was babbling and looking all bright-eyed as though he had discovered something wonderful and no-one else knew about it.Then he placed the magazine on my lap.There, gracing the page in all its petite glory was the “Baby Brennan”. Ahhh. I was smitten. Then he then explained all about the Brennan jb7.I wanted one. NOW!

We re-read the article and searched online. We read the official website info and watched the infomercials on youtube.We were very impressed. Then reality hit. How much would this cost? Given the rate of inflation and the cost of anything gadgety I decided that it would be nearly a grand.Then the Beardy Man said that it was just under £500 for 500 gb. A pound a gigabyte? Surely you haver? I thought about it for a nano second and then said “Lets buy it!”

We justified buying it as we had not bought each other birthday presents, as we didn’t know what we wanted and didn’t need anything at the time. And we were giving each other a warm firm hand shake for Christmas. So it was settled. We were getting one.

We cleared a space on top of our defunct minidisk player. The Beardy Man set about setting it up. It has it’s own built in amp so we could connect straight to the speakers. However we have a fab Arcam amp and big fek off Tannoy speakers so we rigged it up through these for the ultimate music experience. It has an alarm clock and we were awakend by Metallica followed by Puccini and decided to get up with Sugar Pie Desanto. Pure culture in oor hoose.

What I like about it is the simplicity of it. You upload your cd’s and then put them away or sell them. I use the random button and let it play whatever it wants. We have a pact, no matter how crap the cd it goes in the baby Brennan (psst….I love Rick Astley…don’t tell a soul…..thanks) but we blame the other for the bad taste cd (Beardy Man has some crackers…Bjork) We also have the option of downloading our tapes and LP’s and of course our mini disks. Some of our cd’s are not recognised so you have to put the info in manually using the dinky remote.The Beardy Man has a tantrum every time he puts Bjork into the jb7 as she is never recognised. It even recognises bad taste music,  how cool is that?

I just love the design, the sleekness, the simplicity and the tactile feeling of the remote.The remote is so small it fits in the palm of my hand, and I have wee hands. I buy children’s gloves.

Now it’s a family affair, my big Cuz Queen Marie is buying one, so is my uncle and my big Cuz David. We think Paw Kettle might get one too. Then we can have a baby Brennan party and link our jb7’s together and swap music!

So all in all it was a great Christmas, I looked after Santa really well and I was kept on to help clean the grotto and sort Santa’s clothes for next year. The Christmas dinner was fab, and I think my wee brother is moonlighting as a chef at some posh nosh place in the toon. And to top it all the mammy never mentioned the grim reaper.No not once. Well maybe when I was at the loo.


Health and happiness to all in 2012. Hope it’s a fantastic year!