Mr Snuffleupagus.He was in the car behind me. He was. He was at the super market. He was in the Poundshop. He was hiding in the underwear section in Debenhams. He was. I done gone seen him with my own two eyes. But nobody else saw him.
So I’ve come to the conclusion that I am paranoid. A paranoia borne from guilt. And here’s why. I have started eating chicken.
Up until 2 months ago I was a veggie for over 20 years. It’s a long story, and I don’t want to bore you. But suffice to say I have stacked every drawer in the freezer and every shelf in the fridge with chicken. I have even stuffed it in that wee ice compartment, you know the one. Yes that’s right. The one you never defrost for fear of finding a couple of penguins, a polar bear and Scott of the Antarctic.I recon I have eaten the equivalent of Big Bird.
I have also discovered smoked turkey rashers. I can’t begin to tell you how it tastes. Asda are selling 2 packs for £3, and they are £2.44 a pack in Sainsburys! And If I was to choose my last meal on death row, it would be 2 McGee white rolls with Lurpack and smoked turkey rashers. And a ton of chocolate.
So that said I am now in a different shopping and cooking world. In the olden days P.C. (pre chicken)The Beardy man would buy the meat. I would wrap it in tinfoil and cook it in the oven on high for 2 hours.But not only that I had no idea how much chicken should cost. I would buy it from M and S and the Beardy man would freak at the price and asked me if all the staff were wearing masks and clutching muskets.
Then my pal Liz (that woman has an all-seeing eye) told me that her sister-in-law worked in a chunky chicken factory. All the chicken was the same, but one would be put into M and S packaging, and the other in Iceland packaging. So guess where I’ve been all week?
Ok I have to admit, I slagged the adverts and scoffed at their wears BUT I am suitably impressed. I did half expect Kerry Katona to be hanging outside shouting abuse and acting like Calimero (just realised he’s a chicken too!)
And I wondered how Mr Snuffleupagus was going to manage the aisles. So anyway I bought bread, frozen chicken and a KFC style box. I bought shampoo and a bottle of wine. And I was surprised to find 6 medium to large chicken breasts cost £6. The staff were lovely and very helpful and I am even thinking of joining the iceland club. You can win a whole load of prizes! I hope it doesn’t include a day out with Stacy Solomon.
Iceland do a cheese board for £5. All around 100g per cheese. Sainsburys are selling 5 cheeses for £10, but there is no info on per gram, but they do have a better selection. Aldi’s cheese board(with an actual board) is £6.99 for 575g and five cheeses. Or you can buy separately for a better choice, all at a good price.
So I haven’t even looked at the Christmas puds yet.
I think I will buy a variety and taste them before I update tinternet. There are so many to wade through, and then I will do an exclusive on fast acting diet pills.
Ok so I am off now to make peace with Snuffleupagus, and shuv a massive chicken in the oven. And whilst it is cooking I am going to punish myself by watching this. Enjoy and have a box of kleenex at the ready.