The Witchfinder General and his tool of choice.

6 Nov

I bought a little contraption, that was used in the  mid 1600’s as an instrument of torture.

I bought it in Boots. It was on sale. I took it home, all nice and neat in it’s friendly little box. It was a lovely lilac colour and sat comfortably in my hand. I plugged it in, switched it on to speed one. and then I heard in the distance a blood curdling scream and unknown profanities fill the air! It was me! And I was being tortured by this insignificant little device now known as “The Hopkins handheld” but known to all women as an EPILATOR!!!!!!

Dear God! Who invented this? I swear before I use it again I will need an epidural or a full-blown general anesthetic.

I hate shaving, and waxing can sometimes be inconvenient as you have to wait until your hair is a certain length. So I thought Miss Rachel Stevens is advertising Bruan Silkepil, can’t be too bad and I watched her little video.

I have NOW noticed that she is filmed using it only ONCE, doesn’t scream and the camera pans in and you can’t tell if it is her leg. And the leg had no hair on it to begin with! Did she use it behind her knees? I can’t describe that pain.

It then cuts to someone rubbing her legs with lotion!!!!!!!!!

WHAT? I couldn’t even bear to let my jammie bottoms brush against me! I had to wear my big pants and stand in the cold back kitchen until my legs cooled down and the smallpox look disappeared. And don’t get me started on my underarms. Yes you read right. It just sucked my skin into its little appliance as well as the hair. The beardy man had to switch it off at the mains.

Let’s look at the cost. We are all agreed that shaving is the cheaper option. You can buy anything from a pack of 10 disposable razors for 2 quid. Shaving foam is optional. The majority of my girlfriends would prefer to shave and do so every time they are in the shower. I am not that organised or ever alert enough. I have the scars to prove it.


So on to waxing.You need to find the right therapist for you.I visited a salon and was asked to keep quiet as I was frightening the customers! So I get waxed at home and Lynne has been my therapist for years, she is efficient, discreet,affordable, professional and above all very reliable.I sometimes need a distraction and so I have downloaded this on to my phone.(Thanks Marty!)

Although waxing is the most expensive option (unless you opt for laser but that’s a whole blog in itself) if you get waxed every six weeks, my arithmetic tells me that it can be as little as a pound a day. It’s quick, all the hairs are gone, and although the initial ripping off the strip is sore, it’s less painful than the “Hopkins”. And when the hairs grow in it doesn’t feel rough or irritating, especially under my arms. And God knows I hate shaving my ochsters!

And now on to the “Hopkins”, if you are good with pain then this is worth the money. Prices vary and to be honest my skin was smooth. By day two the redness in my skin had gone but I could still see where the hair had been ripped from it’s bed. It did go away on day three.

The bottom line is, it all comes down to personal preference

I have decided to keep with the waxing.Hopkins would have certainly found more women willing to say they were witches if he had this in his back pocket.So it makes me wonder what contraption would be the equivalent for men? Any ideas? Probably something to do with a prostrate exam is my guess.

But I will leave you with this lasting image.

                                                   Nope not fooled. Not one little bit.


One Response to “The Witchfinder General and his tool of choice.”

  1. Queen Marie November 6, 2011 at 10:08 pm #

    Oh how I love the sneezing baby panda.
    Oh how I hate being hirsute.
    Even the Witchfinder General and an army of harpies could not make me try that contraption.

    Queen Marie

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